War Frat 500th Infantrygentleman

War Frat 500th Infantrygentleman
Monster ID	497
Locations	The Battlefield (War Hippy Fatigues)
Hit Points	185
Attack	175
Defense	153
No-Hit	185
Initiative	40
Meat	80-120
Phylum	orc
Elements	sleaze
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	arm, head, leg, torso
Drops beer bomb, beer helmet, bejeweled pledge pin, bottle opener belt buckle, distressed denim pants, keg shield, perforated battle paddle
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting a War Frat 500th Infantrygentleman

This frat boy is a member of the 500th Infantry, known amongst themselves as the "Fortunate 500s." They're by far the wealthiest of the frat boys, and by far the most arrogant; they were born silver spoon in hand, Lord don't they help themselves.

This guy's father could've easily arranged for him not to serve in combat, but he wouldn't allow it -- he saw the war as an excellent opportunity to prove that he was better than everybody else. Plus, he might run for office someday -- imagine the publicity benefits if he manages to get captured as a P.O.W!

Hit Message(s):

He garottes you with his ascot. Then he does a gavotte. Ow! Ooh! Ouch! Ugh!

He throws a pile of meat on the ground. You're trampled by other monsters scrambling to pick up the free meat. Eek! Eek! Ugh! Eek!

He suddenly leaps into the air and stings you repeatedly! Well, what did you expect from a W.A.S.P.? Ow! Eek! Eek! Ouch!

He pays a nearby pledge to frat-paddle you. Ugh. Eek! Ugh! Oof! Ugh! Eek! Argh! (sleaze damage)

Critical Hit Message:

"Listen, old sport," he says, "I'll pay you 10,000 meat if you'll beat yourself up and spare me from getting dirt on my ascot." You obligingly pummel yourself, only to find that he was joking about the ten grand. D'oh! Ooh! Ouch! Argh! Ow! Ouch! Oof!

Miss Message(s):

He tries to ascot-garotte you, but you gavotte out of the way.

He tries to bribe you to hit yourself, but you resist.

He tries to sting you, but he's a W.A.S.P., not a wasp.

He tries to frat-paddle you, but he doesn't know how, because he usually pays someone to do it for him.

Fumble Message:

He suddenly stops attacking and pulls out a cocktailcrafting kit. "I say, old sport," he says, "it's cocktail hour!" He mixes up a martini and downs it while you twiddle your thumbs. (FUMBLE!)

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After Combat

You gain 80-120 Meat

You acquire an item: beer bomb (5.1% chance)*

You acquire an item: beer helmet (10.5% chance)*

You acquire an item: bejeweled pledge pin (10.3% chance)*

You acquire an item: bottle opener belt buckle (9.8% chance)*

You acquire an item: distressed denim pants (9.0% chance)*

You acquire an item: keg shield (5.2% chance)*

You acquire an item: perforated battle paddle (9.1% chance)*

You gain 43-44 <substat>.

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Occurs at The Battlefield (War Hippy Fatigues).

References

• This monster's description makes fun of famous rich-kid politicians such as George W. Bush with the comment about his father getting him out of combat.
• The reference to publicity benefits likely refers to John McCain who was captured as P.O.W. during Vietnam.
• The description also includes references to the song Fortunate Son, by Creedence Clearwater Revival which includes the lyrics "born silver spoon in hand" and "Lord don't they help themselves."
• The first attack message and last miss message reference the Ascot Gavotte, a song in the 1956 Broadway musical My Fair Lady.
• The "Fortunate 500s" refers to a group of businesses known as the Fortune 500.
• W.A.S.P. stands for "White Anglo Saxon Protestant"