War Frat Elite 500th Captain

War Frat Elite 500th Captain
Monster ID	500
Locations	The Battlefield (War Hippy Fatigues)
Hit Points	210
Attack	185
Defense	171
No-Hit	195
Initiative	50
Meat	200-300
Phylum	orc
Elements	sleaze
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	arm, head, leg, torso
Drops beer bomb, beer helmet, bejeweled pledge pin, distressed denim pants, keg shield, PADL Phone, perforated battle paddle, red class ring
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting a War Frat Elite 500th Captain

This is an extremely fortunate member of the 500th Infantry Division, known as the "Fortunate 500:" he's the son of one of the members of the Council of Loathing. Just looking at the air of smug superiority and entitlement around him makes you feel insignificant. Then you shake it off -- It ain't you, no, it ain't you -- you ain't no councilman's son, and that's just fine by you.

Hit Message(s):

He pulls a silver spoon out of his mouth and pokes you with it. Spooooon! Ow! Ugh! Ooh! Ugh! Ooh! Oof! Argh!

He promises a nearby lobbyist that he'll influence his daddy if the lobbyist will pummel you. Unfortunately, this was a lobbyist for the brass knuckle industry. Ugh! Oof! Oof! Ooh! Oof!

He garottes you with his apricot ascot, then does a gavotte. Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ugh! Eek!

He threatens to have the Council of Loathing revoke your citizenship if you don't hit yourself in the face. You punch yourself as hard as you can. Eek! Ouch! Argh! Oof! Ooh! Ow!

Critical Hit Message:

You punch him, and he spins around and says "do you know who my father is?" Then he makes a call on his cellphone and a couple of cops come rough you up. Ooh! Ugh! Oof! Argh!

Miss Message(s):

He tries to poke you with the silver spoon in his mouth, but he's swallowed it. There is no spoon.

He asks a nearby lobbyist to pummel you on his behalf, but the lobbyist turns out to be from the pillow lobby, so he doesn't do much damage.

He tries to garotte you with his apricot ascot, but you gavotte out of the way.

He sips a martini and chuckles at your lack of breeding, meat, and social connections. As an attack, it's not all that effective.

Fumble Message:

He whips out his wallet, notices he's out of money, and has to call daddy and whine for an advance on his 10,000 meat a week allowance. What a brat. (FUMBLE!)

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After Combat

You gain 200-300 Meat (average: 250, stdev: 20.82)*

You acquire an item: beer bomb (9.9% chance)*

You acquire an item: beer helmet (4.3% chance)*

You acquire an item: bejeweled pledge pin (4.0% chance)*

You acquire an item: distressed denim pants (6.3% chance)*

You acquire an item: keg shield (4.6% chance)*

You acquire an item: PADL Phone (2.1% chance)*

You acquire an item: perforated battle paddle (14.3% chance)*

You acquire an item: red class ring (31.4% chance)*

You gain 46-47 <substat>.

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Occurs at The Battlefield (War Hippy Fatigues).

References

• The description (and possibly the first miss message) refers to the Creedence Clearwater Revival song "Fortunate Son."
• The miss message "There is no spoon" refers to The Matrix.
• Spooooon! is The Tick's battlecry.
• The apricot Ascot is a reference to Carly Simon's song, "You're so Vain", whose lyrics read "Your scarf it was apricot / You had one eye in the mirror as / You watched yourself gavotte."
• "Fortunate 500" is also a reference to the Fortune 500, a ranking of the 500 most internationally successful businesses on earth.