War Hippy (space) cadet

War Hippy (space) cadet
Monster ID	481
Locations	The Hippy Camp (Verge of War) (in Frat Boy Ensemble or Frat Warrior Fatigues)
Hit Points	180
Attack	165
Defense	148
No-Hit	175
Initiative	40
Meat	None
Phylum	hippy
Elements	stench
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	head, arm, leg, torso
Drops bullet-proof corduroys, reinforced beaded headband, round purple sunglasses
Accordion	peace accordion
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting a War Hippy (space) cadet

This is a brand new recruit to the Hippy army. So new, in fact, that he's still not sure whether the war is real, or if he's just having a really bad trip. Since you woke him up from a fantastic opium dream he was having, he'll never finish his poem about stately pleasure domes, and he's a little pissed off about that.

Hit Message(s):

He raises his arms and hits you with a wave of stench. He may be just a cadet in the army, but he's definitely all hippy. Argh! Oof! Ugh! Eek! (stench damage)

He starts a protest for the war he's waging, and manages to smack you with his picket sign. Eek! Ugh! Ooh! Ugh!

He flails wildly around, fighting you and several things you can't see. None of the punches connect, but the exercise makes his stench even stronger. Argh! Eek! Oof! Ow! (stench damage)

He grabs you by the arm, then has an acid flashback. You get some acid on you. Corrosive! Ooh! Oof! Oof! Ugh!

Critical Hit Message:

He climbs to the top of a nearby yurt, shouting about how he's a super man and he's invincible and can fly. He leaps off the yurt and crashes to the ground. It would be hilarious, except you were in between him and the ground. Dang it!

Miss Message(s):

He sends a wave of stench towards you, but you counter with a wave of mutilation.

He starts to hit you, then stages a protest against his own violent urges.

He flails wildly around, fighting something you can't see. You stay well out of the way.

He has an acid flashback. You sit back and wait until he's done.

Fumble Message:

He collapses into the fetal position and starts sucking his thumb, occasionally muttering about vampire birds and giant purple monkeys. Looks like he has pre-traumatic stress disorder. (FUMBLE!)

---

After Combat

You acquire an item: round purple sunglasses (5.3% chance)*

You acquire an item: reinforced beaded headband (4.9% chance)*

You acquire an item: bullet-proof corduroys (4.9% chance)*

You gain 41-42 <substat>.

---

Occurs at The Hippy Camp (Verge of War) in Frat Warrior Fatigues.

Notes

• If you are an Accordion Thief and haven't stolen an accordion from this monster today, this text is added to the introduction:

  Sticking out of the cadet's duffel bag, you notice an accordion with a bunch of stupid stickers on it.

• If you then cast Steal Accordion:

  You distract the hippy (by asking him to solve a really complicated first-grade arithmetic problem) and gaffle the accordion from his bag, baby.

  You acquire an item: peace accordion

References

• The description's mention of his not finishing a poem about stately pleasure domes is a reference to Romantic poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge's poem Kubla Khan, which he allegedly based on an opium-induced dream interrupted by a guest at the door.
• The critical hit description may be a reference to the TV show Heroes; specifically, Peter Petrelli, who attempted the very same thing. However, it may just refer to hallucinating drug users who suddenly believe they're Superman.
• The miss message about the "wave of mutilation" is a reference to a song of the same name by the Pixies, an alternative rock band.
• The name of this monster may be a reference to C. W. McCall's 1982 song Crispy Critters.