War Hippy Baker

War Hippy Baker
Monster ID	483
Locations	The Battlefield (Frat Warrior Fatigues)
Hit Points	185
Attack	175
Defense	153
No-Hit	185
Initiative	40
Meat	None
Phylum	hippy
Elements	stench
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	arm, head, leg, torso
Drops bullet-proof corduroys, hippy protest button, oversized pipe, reinforced beaded headband, round purple sunglasses, water pipe bomb, wicker shield
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting a War Hippy Baker

This is a member of the Hippy Army's 420th infantry division, "Baker Company." You can recognize the Baker Company boys by their bloodshot eyes, the thin haze of smoke that always surrounds them, and the fact that they're almost always snacking.

This one's got the smoke, but instead of snacking, he's marching toward you with a lead pipe in his hand and a fierce gleam in his glassy, bloodshot eyes.

Hit Message(s):

He lobs a water pipe bomb at you. It explodes, covering you with foul-smelling water. Man, you will never get that smell out of your clothes. Argh! Oof! Ow! Ow! Ugh! (stench damage)

He smacks you in the face with a pan of freshly-baked brownies. Hot! Hot! Ugh! Ouch! Ooh! Oof! Eek! (hot damage)

He hits you in the head with his lead pipe, then looks around, confused, and says "Who did I just hit, man?" Ooh! Ugh! Oof! Ow! Ouch!

He exhales some kind of sweet-smelling smoke in your face. You get dizzy and run smack into a wall. Ouch! Ow! Argh! Argh! Ouch!

Critical Hit Message:

The hippy screams over his shoulder "Tango Hotel Charlie! Tango Hotel Charlie!" and several nearby hippies lob water pipe bombs at you. They all explode simultaneously, covering you with foul-smelling water and shards of broken glass. Oof. Ow! Eek! Ouch! Ow! Ugh! (stench damage)

Miss Message(s):

He tries to smack you in the face with a pan of brownies, but gets hungry and eats them before he gets the chance.

He tries to hit you with his lead pipe, but forgets what he's doing halfway through the swing.

He briefly considers hitting you with his lead pipe, but decides that eating a bag of potato chips is the better part of valor.

Fumble Message:

He produces another water pipe bomb to throw at you, but it must be defective, because it starts spewing clouds of smoke. He breathes in the smoke, coughs a little, and starts staring at his hands. (FUMBLE!)

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After Combat

You acquire an item: bullet-proof corduroys (8.2% chance)*

You acquire an item: hippy protest button (10.5% chance)*

You acquire an item: oversized pipe (11.2% chance)*

You acquire an item: reinforced beaded headband (10.1% chance)*

You acquire an item: round purple sunglasses (9.7% chance)*

You acquire an item: water pipe bomb (19.9% chance)*

You acquire an item: wicker shield (5.2% chance)*

You gain 43-44 <substat>.

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Occurs at The Battlefield (Frat Warrior Fatigues).

References

• The "Baker" in "War Hippy Baker" probably refers to a different kind of baking than is commonly carried out in bakeries:
  • "Tango Hotel Charlie" is the NATO phonetic alphabet spelling of THC, the principal psychoactive constituent of cannabis.
  • 4:20 is a common time to smoke cannabis. The same can be said about the date of April 20th (4/20 by numerical dating).
  • "Glassy, bloodshot eyes" and "almost always snacking" are common side-effects of smoking cannabis.