War Hippy Shaman

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War Hippy Shaman
Monster ID 494
Locations The Battlefield (Frat Warrior Fatigues)
Hit Points 100
Attack 190
Defense 148
No-Hit 200
Initiative 50
Meat None
Phylum hippy
Elements stench
Resistance None
Monster Parts arm, head, leg, torso
Drops
carbonated soy milk, communications windchimes, funky dried mushroom, Gaia beads, Lockenstock™ sandals
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
War Hippy Shaman You're fighting a War Hippy Shaman

This is one of the Hippy Army's shamans. Er... shamen? They serve the Army of One Love™ as both clergy and powerful combat magicians. Well, they serve when they're not too busy communing with nature via the various herbs and fungi that the earth has blessed them with.

With Gaia's assistance, this heavily-medicated medicine man means to purge the planet of you and your violent ways.

Hit Message(s):

"Gaia, hear me!" he shouts. "Let a plague of locusts descend on this infidel like a plague of locusts!" You're about to point out his redundancy, but having locusts gnawing on your <lower back> and <solar plexus> can really break your concentration. Ow! Ugh! Ugh!

"Oh Great Gaia, Oh Green Gaia," he shouts, "strike down this soulless corporate drone with thy fury." A freak lightning bolt hits you in the <head>. Yeow! Ow! Ugh! Eek! Ouch! Oof! (hot damage)

"Gaia, hear me!" he shouts, "Swallow up this infidel, this defiler, this Greek menace!" You look down and realize you're standing in a cow pie. Stupid Gaia. Oof! Ugh! Ouch! Argh! (stench damage)

Gaia, hear me!" he shouts. "chill this heretic to the bone!" A freak cold front blows in, freezing you while overwhelming you with facts about the Kingdom. Brrrrrrrrrrr. (cold damage)

"Gaia, hear me!" he shouts. "Before this heretic, let the unclean crawl!" A horde of rats swarms all over you, touching you with their scaly tails. Eek! Ugh! Ooh! Argh! Ugh! (sleaze damage)

"Gaia, hear me!" he shouts, his voice booming and rolling. "Let your darkest servants swarm!" A cloud of bats flies down and swoops around your head. Eerie, man. Eek! Oof! Ooh! Eek! Ouch! (spooky damage)

Critical Hit Message:

He does some complicated hand gestures, staring intently at you all the while. You suddenly feel a giant rock in your shoe. Ow! That's minorly inconveniencing! Ouch! Oof! Oof! Ouch! Ow! Argh!

Miss Message(s):

"Gaia, hear me!" he shouts. "Let this heretic be stoned!" Awwwrrriiiiight, man!

He starts to chant an incantation to Gaia, but gets distracted by a nearby patch of mushrooms, and stops to pick a bunch and stuff them into his pockets.

He starts to chant an incantation, but is distracted by an empty beer can someone threw on the battlefield. A single tear courses down his cheek.

"Gaia, hear me!" he shouts. A voice from below you says, "I'm sorry, but Gaia is not available to take your call. Please call back later."

"Gaia, hear me!" he shouts, but then a bug flies into his throat and he lapses into a coughing fit. Who says Gaia doesn't have a sense of humor?

Fumble Message:

He starts another incantation to Gaia, but you point out his Lockenstock sandals are knock-offs and have leather soles and uppers. A bolt of lightning streaks down from the sky and fries him. (FUMBLE!)


After Combat

Potion2.gifYou acquire an item: carbonated soy milk (19.9% chance)*
Chimes.gifYou acquire an item: communications windchimes (2.6% chance)*
Drymushroom.gifYou acquire an item: funky dried mushroom (14.7% chance)*
Chain.gifYou acquire an item: Gaia beads (15.0% chance)*
Sandals.gifYou acquire an item: Lockenstock™ sandals (10.6% chance)*
You gain 47-48 <substat>.

Occurs at The Battlefield (Frat Warrior Fatigues).

References

  • The freak cold front that overwhelms you with facts about the Kingdom is a reference to a certain official fansite.
  • The message about the rats may be a reference to an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer where a witch chants a very similar incantation (although to Hecatae, not Gaia) to transform into a rat to escape being burned at the stake.
  • The single tear message is most likely a reference to the “Crying Indian” campaign which was launched in 1971 on the second national Earth Day by Keep America Beautiful.