War Hippy Sky Captain

War Hippy Sky Captain
Monster ID	412
Locations	The Battlefield (Frat Warrior Fatigues)
Hit Points	200
Attack	185
Defense	157
No-Hit	195
Initiative	70
Meat	None
Phylum	hippy
Elements	stench
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	arm, head, leg, torso
Drops bullet-proof corduroys, communications windchimes, exploding hacky-sack, ferret bait, Lockenstock™ sandals, patchouli oil bomb, reinforced beaded headband, round purple sunglasses, water pipe bomb, water pipe bomb, pink clay bead
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting a War Hippy Sky Captain

This hippy is an officer in the airborne wing of the Hippy Army (whose motto is "We're Like, So High, Man"). Since the hippies don't have any airplanes or balloons, and all their zeppelins are made of lead, their airborne wing consists of sugar-addled ferrets strapped into mini-biplanes. It's the kind of idea you can only think up when you've eaten way too many herbal brownies.

Hit Message(s):

She whips you with her ratty blonde dreadlocks. Wait, blonde dreadlocks? Eek! Ooh! Ugh! Ugh! Ow!

She scratches you with her crusty fingernails. You'd better hope she's had all her shots. Ooh! Ouch! Ooh! Argh! (stench damage)

She tosses a piece of ferret bait at you. A ferret swoops down from the sky and does a scratching strafe-run. Eek! Argh! Ooh! Eek! Ow!

She tosses a piece of ferret bait at you. A ferret swoops down and makes a bowel-movement bombing run. Ooh! Ugh! Oof! Argh! (stench damage)

Critical Hit Message:

She throws a double handful of ferret bait at you. Dozens of ferrets swoop down from the sky and rip your flesh, just like weasels. You get a tune stuck in your head, and it goes "AIEEEE! Get 'em off me!"Ouch! Oof! Ugh! Oof! Eek!

Miss Message(s):

She tosses a piece of ferret bait at you, but you distract the attacking ferret with a shiny object.

She tries to whip you with her dreadlocks, but you've got a lock on dodging and a dread for getting hit with them.

She tosses a piece of ferret bait at you, but you don't take the bait and dodge the ferret.

She tries to scratch you with her crusty fingernails, but can't seem to nail you down.

Fumble Message:

She runs out of ferret bait, so all her winged minions just circle overhead, poinging happily and occasionally piddling in her hair. (FUMBLE!)

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After Combat

You acquire an item: bullet-proof corduroys (0.6% chance)*

You acquire an item: communications windchimes (2.3% chance)*

You acquire an item: ferret bait (20% chance)*

You acquire an item: Lockenstock™ sandals (2.0% chance)*

You acquire an item: pink clay bead (30% chance)*

You acquire an item: reinforced beaded headband (0.7% chance)*

You acquire an item: round purple sunglasses (0.6% chance)*

You acquire an item: water pipe bomb (10% chance)*

You acquire an item: water pipe bomb (10% chance)*

You acquire an item: patchouli oil bomb (20% chance)*

You acquire an item: exploding hacky-sack (20% chance)*

You gain 46-47 <substat>.

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Occurs at The Battlefield (Frat Warrior Fatigues).

Notes

• The exploding hacky-sack and patchouli oil bomb will only drop if you recovered the lighthouse keeper's gunpowder in War Hippy Fatigues.

References

• The critical hit is a reference to the Weird Al song Albuquerque. It is also a reference to the Frank Zappa & The Mothers of Invention album, "Weasels Ripped My Flesh".
• The line "All their zeppelins are made of lead" is a reference to Led Zeppelin.
• The flying ferrets may be a reference to an XKCD strip.
• The ferrets poinging may be a reference to the webcomic Sluggy Freelance. Specifically, it is the word that appears under Riff's pet ferret Kiki when Kiki jumps.
• The motto in the description may be a reference to the United States Air Force, who once used "Aim High" as a recruiting slogan.