War Hippy Windtalker

War Hippy Windtalker
Monster ID	493
Locations	The Battlefield (Frat Warrior Fatigues)
Hit Points	200
Attack	185
Defense	162
No-Hit	195
Initiative	80
Meat	None
Phylum	hippy
Elements	stench
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	arm, head, leg, torso
Drops bullet-proof corduroys, communications windchimes, communications windchimes, communications windchimes, Lockenstock™ sandals, reinforced beaded headband, round purple sunglasses, green clay bead
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting a War Hippy Windtalker

This is a hippy wearing a complicated harness bedecked with a variety of windchimes -- she serves as a focal point for the windchime-based communications network of the Army of One Love™.

She marches toward you with bells on. Ha ha. Get it?

Hit Message(s):

She plays "Ride of the Valkyries" on her windchimes. A couple of heavy-set female soldiers run over and sit on you. Ooh! Ow! Argh! Ouch! Ugh! Eek! Ow!

She plays the theme from The Exorcist on her windchimes. It's pretty creepy. Ow! Oof! Eek! Eek! Ouch! Ooh! (spooky damage)

She plays "Rainy Day Women #12 and 35" on her windchimes. A nearby platoon of hippies hurls a bunch of rocks at you. Ooh! Argh! Ouch! Ugh! Eek! Oof!

She plays "Those Endearing Young Charms" on her windchimes. For some reason, when she hits the two high notes, you randomly get blown up. Ooh! Eek! Ouch! Argh! Ow! Argh!

Critical Hit Message:

She rings a series of tones on her chimes, then looks at you, expectantly. When you don't respond, she says "what we have here is a failure to communicate," and beats you senseless. Oof! Oof! Ooh! Argh! Ouch! Argh!

Miss Message(s):

She plays "Comfortably Numb" on her windchimes, effectively putting herself to sleep.

She plays "Ride of the Valkyries" on her windchimes, but the hippy army doesn't have any valkyries.

She plays "Those Endearing Young Charms" on her windchimes, but when she hits the high notes, she blows up for some reason.

She bangs out a tune on her windchimes, but you hum loudly until she gets confused.

Fumble Message:

She plays "Mary Had a Little Lamb" on his chimes. A hippy sergeant shows up and says "It's lunchtime already?" Looks like the windtalker needs to review her manual. (FUMBLE!)

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After Combat

You acquire an item: bullet-proof corduroys (0.7% chance)*

You acquire an item: communications windchimes (18.4% chance)*

You acquire an item: communications windchimes (18.4% chance)*

You acquire an item: communications windchimes (18.4% chance)*

You acquire an item: green clay bead (31.6% chance)*

You acquire an item: Lockenstock™ sandals (2.1% chance)*

You acquire an item: reinforced beaded headband (1.1% chance)*

You acquire an item: round purple sunglasses (1.0% chance)*

You gain 46-47 <substat>.

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Occurs at The Battlefield (Frat Warrior Fatigues).

References

• The explosions when the Windtalker plays Those Endearing Young Charms refers to an old gag seen in several Looney Tunes which involve a xylophone (or in the short Ballot Box Bunny, a piano) rigged to explode when someone plays the high notes in the song. There is also an Animaniacs segment, featuring Slappy Squirrel, which uses the same gag in a nod to the old cartoons. The South Park episode "Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride" features a school mascot rigged to explode when half-time act Richard Stamos hits the high note in "Loving You," but it survives because Stamos can't hit the right pitch.
• Wind talkers or Code Talkers were Native Americans hired by the Army to transmit secret messages in their native language.
• The quote "what we have here is a failure to communicate" in the critical hit message is a repeated line in the movie Cool Hand Luke. "What we have here is a failure to communicate" is also the introductory line to "Civil War" by Guns and Roses
• The "Rainy Day Women #12 and 35" hit message refers to a lyric from the Bob Dylan song of the same name, "Everybody must get stoned".