Wizard Action Figure

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Needs deleveling formulas. Listed healing range might be off by a small amount.
Wizard Action Figure

He is not a doll --
He'll turn you into a newt
if you call him one.

Casts a lot of spells

Ability: Heals, delevels strong opponents, attacks the enemy, and acts as a combination Volleyball/Fairy at 1/3 weight.

Throne/Bjorn: Spell Damage +10%, sometimes restores 5-6 MP

Hatchling: Waflarva.gif wizard action figure

Familiar-Specific Equipment: Mintwand.gif mint-condition magic wand

Arena.gif Ultimate Cage Match Scavenger Hunt Obstacle Course Hide and Seek
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Mumming Trunk Abilities:

+30% Meat Drop 4-5 MP +3 Muscle statgain +25% Item Drop +4 Mysticality statgain 8-10 HP +2 Moxie statgain
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*Hover for details
Dasboot.gifCannot breathe underwater
Combat Messages
  • At the start of combat:
    <name> notices your wounds, points his wand at you, and mutters "Neosporio Bandaidium!" You feel somewhat better.
    HPYou gain X hit points.
    <name> looks at you, looks at your opponent, and frowns. He points his wand at your opponent and shouts "Ittibittius Minimus!" Your opponent shrinks a bit.
  • During combat:
    <name> points his wand at your opponent and shouts "Coppertonio Absentium!" Your opponent's skin bubbles and turns red, dealing X damage.
    <name> points his wand at your opponent and shouts "Klondikus Popsiculo!" A blast of icy air strikes your opponent for X damage.
    <name> points his wand at your opponent and shouts "Oxybiscuitus!" A stinking cloud of green smoke forms around your opponent, dealing X damage.
    <name> points his wand at your opponent and shouts "Echoum Mariahcareus!" A piercing wail fills the air, and your opponent cringes in terror, suffering X damage.
    <name> points his wand at your opponent and shouts "Pennzoilio Quakerstateum!" A jet of motor oil drenches your opponent, dealing X damage.
    <name> points his wand at your opponent and shouts "Slapstickio Acmeus!" A fast-moving anvil suddenly appears and hits your opponent in the head for X damage.
  • At the end of combat, without a mint-condition magic wand equipped:
    <name> waves his wand around and shouts "Prosperio Improvius!" He grins at you and dances around a little, but it seems sort of half-hearted.
  • At the end of combat, with mint-condition magic wand equipped:
    <name> waves his shiny new wand around and shouts "Prosperio Improvius!" He beams and dances a jig, clearly pleased with himself.
  • Enthroned in the Crown of Thrones:
    <name> shouts "Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt!" and fires a few bolts into your hair, producing an unpleasant smell and a brief mystical charge.
    MPYou gain 5-6 Mana Points.
  • Bjornified in the Buddy Bjorn:
    <name> sticks his wand in your ear and gives you a quick recharge. Ever put a 9-volt battery on your tongue? Ever put a 9-volt battery on your brain?
    MPYou gain 5-6 Mana Points.
  • With lucky Tam O'Shanter equipped:
    <name> points his wand at his Tam O'Shanter and chants "Chapeaueum Go-braughio!" The hat's plaid pattern forms a face, and the face winks at you.
  • With miniature gravy-covered maypole equipped:
    <name> points his wand at the maypole and chants "Festivioso Animatum!" In Loathing, maypole dances around you!
  • With wax lips equipped:
    <name> points his wand at the wax lips and chants "Zygomaticus Rictus!" The lips rise into the air and smile broadly.
  • When wand is discarded:
    <name> glances at his magic wand and notices a few tiny scuff marks. Clearly distressed by the 'like new' condition of the wand, he throws it away in disgust.

Arena Messages

  • None - familiar has no weaknesses.


  • The mint-condition magic wand is lost after (25 - 40??) adventures after it is equipped.
  • Because a volleyball-type familiar's benefits scale as the square root of its weight, 1/3 the poundage translates to 57.7% of the stats. Likewise, at 1/3 the weight a fairy would grant about half the item drop bonus.
  • The mint-condition magic wand causes the action figure to act as a Fairy and Volleyball of 2/3 of its weight, but will eventually break after a certain number of turns. At the 2/3 value, the wizard is roughly 80% as effective as a volleyball of the same weight.
  • Will heal you at the start of combat whenever your current HP is less than half of your maximum. The amount healed is Weight-5 to Weight+5.
  • Will not delevel the opponent if it heals you.
  • Damage done is equal to Weight/2 (round down) to 2+Weight/2 (round up).


  • This familiar and its hatchling are a reference to the popular Harry Potter series of fantasy books, and the teenage wizard that serves as the series' protagonist.
  • Each spell the Wizard casts is a thinly veiled reference to the spell's effect, also in reference to the Harry Potter series, in which the spells are the Latin terms for their effects:
    • Chapeaueum Go-braughio translates to 'chapeau' (hat) plus 'go braugh', an Anglicization of "go brách" in Irish Gaelic (Gaeilge), perhaps most commonly heard in the phrase "Éirinn go Brách" (roughly, "Ireland Forever").
    • Coppertonio Absentium alludes to the absence of a popular sunblock.
    • Echoum Mariahcareus, appropriately, echoes the voice of Mariah Carey.
    • Festivioso Animatum becomes "Animated Festive."
    • Ittibittius Minimus is "Itty-bitty, minimize," or "small."
    • Klondikus Popsiculo refers to Klondike bars and popsicles.
    • Neosporio Bandaidium refers to Neosporin, a common antibacterial gel, and the Band-Aid.
    • Oxybiscuitus refers to "Air Biscuits," a slang for flatulence.
    • Pennzoilio Quakerstateum contains the names of two major motor oil brands: Pennzoil and Quaker State.
    • Prosperio Improvius works out as "improve prosperity."
    • Slapstickio Acmeus alludes to the type of slapstick comedy prevalent in Looney Tunes, which was famous for featuring Acme-branded merchandise such as anvils.
    • Zygomaticus Rictus refers to the zygomaticus muscles (used in smiling) and the word rictus, meaning "a gaping grin."
  • "In Loathing, maypole dances around you!" is a reference to Yakov Smirnoff's "In Soviet Russia" comedy routine.
  • The haiku appears to reference Monty Python and the Holy Grail through the witch that turned a man into a newt (he got better).
  • The Crown of Thrones message refers to this popular YouTube video of LARPers (Live Action Role-Players), in which one of the participants yells "Lightning Bolt! Lightning Bolt!" while throwing objects meant to represent spells at another participant.

See Also