You and the Cap'm Make it Hap'm

From TheKolWiki
Jump to: navigation, search
You and the Cap'm Make it Hap'm
You and the Cap'm Make it Hap'm

You wander through the barrr, avoiding a pair of pirates who are arrrm wrestling, dodging darrrts, and looking for a quiet carrrner where you can sit down for a while and try to get rid of some of the extra 'r's you've picked up. You brush by a pirate sitting in an underlit booth, his face hidden by shadow. Which, given what you've seen of the pirates so far, is probably for the best.

"Hey there, swabbie," he whispers, grabbing your elbow. "Do ye want to hear a tale of blood-curdling terror and betrayal most foul? A tale born in the salty maw of the merciless sea? A tale that's -- well, really unpleasant, I guess, would be the main point I'm trying to make here."

"No thanks," you say, "I was just looking for the bathroom."

"Be ye sure?" he says. "It's a pretty entertaining tale, and then at the end of it, I say 'and it's all true, so swears Cap'm Caronch, so swears I on me life,' and then I squints at ye and I pull this out as proof." He rolls out a scroll of parchment across the table. You see a land mass drawn on the paper, with a dotted line that marks a trail. You bend over to get a closer look.

"So, Billy's mom told him to come straight home after school, but he went all over town instead," you say, and sigh. "That's pretty impressive."

"Arrr, that be the wrong parchment! Here, here be the right one. See, it's a treasure map. What do ye make of it?"

"Well, I can make a hat, or a little boat, or a pterodactyl with --"

"Belay that bilgewater! This be a treasure map, and if ye will follow it and find the treasure I seek, ye can join my crew. What say ye?"

Map.gifYou acquire an item: Cap'm Caronch's Map

Occurs at Barrrney's Barrr.


  • A superlikely adventure, with a chance of 20%.
  • This adventure does respond to combat modifiers.
  • There is an alternate, unknown mechanism that will allow this adventure to occur after some number of adventures even when running +25% C.


  • Ending a verbose, detailed description of something with "[shorter summary], I guess, is the point I'm trying to make here" is characteristic of the minor piratey character Seamus in the cartoon Family Guy.
  • The line about what you can make of the map is a reference to the movie "Airplane!". In the movie, Johnny (Stephen Stucker) is asked by McCroskey (Lloyd Bridges) what he can make of a printed weather report. Johnny replies by folding the paper and saying the line about "a hat, a little boat" etc.
  • The title of this adventure refers to a slogan about Cap'n Crunch cereal, as does the name "Captain Caronch".
  • The line about Billy wandering all over the neighborhood is a reference to the comic strip The Family Circus.
  • Cap'm Caronch's title of "Cap'm" is likely a reference to the They Might Be Giants song The Cap'm.