Zim Merman

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Zim Merman
Monster ID 513
Locations The Battlefield (Frat Warrior Fatigues)
Hit Points 280
Attack 200
Defense 180
No-Hit 210
Initiative 60
Meat 200-300
Phylum hippy
Elements stench
Resistance None
Monster Parts head, arm, leg, torso
Drops
Lockenstock™ sandals, Zim Merman's guitar, green clay bead
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
Zim Merman You're fighting Zim Merman

You notice a guy walking around the battlefield with an acoustic guitar in his hand, which is somewhat incongruous, so you go to investigate. Turns out it's Zim Merman, the famous folk singer, surveying the damage and writing folk songs about all the death and destruction.

He spots you, strums a few chords, and sings something like "howduzi FEE? HowduziFEE? Ta be onyer OH...widno dreckshu HO...layga rollinstohhh..." in a nasal whine so sharp you could cut brie with it.

It's like he's trying to communicate. "Look, you're very cute, but I don't understand what you're saying!" you shout.

He raises his guitar above his head and charges at you. I guess he doesn't like people who don't understand his lyrics. Which means he's probably in a bad mood most of every day.

Hit Message(s):

He plays a blues riff. You get tangled up in it and fall over. Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Argh! Ow! Ugh!

He hits you just like a woman. You break just like a little girl. Ow! Ooh! Argh! Ouch! Ouch! Ugh!

Suddenly, a thunderstorm breaks out over the battlefield! A woman walks up to Zim Merman and offers him shelter from the storm, but you're not so lucky. Hailstones the size of basketballs bounce off your head. Ouch! Eek! Ouch! Eek! Ouch! Ow!

He says "look out kid, you're gonna get hit," and then hits you. I suppose it was nice of him to warn you. Oof! Ooh! Ooh! Eek! Eek! Argh!

Critical Hit Message:

He sings that the answers are blowin' in the wind. Unfortunately, so is his breath. (stench damage)

Miss Message(s):

He plays a blues riff, but you know the clues for avoiding blues-based attacks.

He complains that he aches just like a woman, and sits down for a while.

He tells you the ants are his friends, and are blowin' in the wind. You nod politely and back away.

He says "look out kid, you're gonna get hit," which gives you sufficient warning to dodge the attack.

Fumble Message:

He grabs a nearby bottle of patchouli oil and tries to spray you with it, but the pump won't work 'cause the vandals took the handles. (FUMBLE!)


After Combat

Meat.gifYou gain 200-300 Meat (average: 250, stdev: 20.82)*
Rankbead3.gifYou acquire an item: green clay bead (? chance)*
Sandals.gifYou acquire an item: Lockenstock™ sandals (? chance)*
Guitar.gifYou acquire an item: Zim Merman's guitar (100% chance)*
You gain 50 <substat>.

Occurs at The Battlefield (Frat Warrior Fatigues).

Notes

  • This monster cannot be copied.
  • Occurs between 701 and 800 hippie casualties, if at all.

References

  • This monster is a reference to Bob Dylan, born Robert Allen Zimmerman, famous blues and rock singer and songwriter. The lyrics given in the description are (somewhat distorted) lyrics from one of his most famous songs, "Like a Rolling Stone".
  • The monster description (encounter text) includes a slightly different wording of a line from Finding Nemo; in that film, Marlin is perplexed by Squirt's jargon-filled speech, and says (to Crush, Squirt's father) "It's like he's trying to speak to me, I know it." and (to Squirt) "Look, you're really cute, but I can't understand what you're saying."
  • "He plays a blues riff. You get tangled up in it and fall over." is a reference to Dylan's "Tangled up in Blue."
  • Both "just like a woman" messages are references to Dylan's song with the same name.
  • The "shelter from the storm" hit message is a reference to Dylan's song of the same name.
  • The "blowin' in the wind" hit message is a reference to Dylan's song with the same name, as well as the mondegreen "The ants are my friends, and they're blowin' in the wind" (actual lyric: "The answer, my friends, is blowin' in the wind").
  • "Look out kid, you're gonna get hit," and "the pump don't work cuz the vandals took the handles" are lines from Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues".
  • The miss message about knowing the clues to avoid blues-based attacks refers to the children's show Blue's Clues