31337 scroll

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31337 scroll
31337 scroll

This is a scroll with the number 31337 written on it. W31rd, d00d.

Type: usable
Cannot be traded or discarded
Quest Item

Mostly Just Confuses Enemies

(In-game plural: 31337 scrolls)
View metadata
Item number: 553
Description ID: 274168389
View in-game: view


Plus.gif 334 scroll 334 scroll  
Plus.gif 668 scroll 30669 scroll
Equals.gif 31337 scroll

When Used

You have no idea what this thing is for.
  • After bridging the chasm, first time in an ascension:
You read the mystical runes on the scroll: "31337!"

Shazam! Kablooie!

The UB3r 31337 HaX0R stands before you.

"\/\/|-|4+ |)0 j00 |)351®3?" he asks you. You have no idea what he just said.

"/\/\0ñ3¥? ¶0\/\/3®? Ñußi13 (_+irls 0f |_047|-|1ñ(_+?"

"I... uh... I guess I'll take whatever you're giving... Sir..."

"\/\/|-|473\/3®, Ñ00ß"

He vanishes in a puff of logic, and items begin to appear in his place.

Scroll2.gifYou acquire an item: stat script
  • After bridging the chasm, subsequent times:
You read the mystical runes on the scroll: "31337!"

Shazam! Kablooie!

A hole appears in the air in front of you, and in the hole you see the following message, in glowing green letters.

"|)0ñ+ ß0+|-|3® /\/\3. I'/\/\ ©0[)1ñ(_+."

The letters fade and the hole closes, but not before some stuff falls out.

Knickknack.gifYou acquire some worthless knick-knacks
Gewgaw.gifYou acquire some worthless gewgaws
Trinket.gifYou acquire some worthless trinkets
Clover.gifYou acquire some ten-leaf clovers
(you receive 2-3 worthless items and 1-2 clovers)


  • When using this scroll in Bad Moon, you do not receive clovers. Instead, the scroll disintegrates after use.
  • After using this item for the first time, you will gain the accomplishment:
    You have summoned the UB3r 31337 HaX0R.
  • 1337 (leet or elite) speak translations:
    • "W31rd, d00d." = "Weird, dude."
    • "\/\/|-|4+ |)0 j00 |)351®3?" = "What do you desire?"
    • "/\/\0ñ3¥? ¶0\/\/3®? Ñußi13 (_+irls 0f |_047|-|1ñ(_+?" = "Money? Power? Nubile Girls of Loathing?"
    • "\/\/|-|473\/3®, Ñ00ß" = "Whatever, noob"
    • "|)0ñ+ ß0+|-|3® /\/\3. I'/\/\ ©0[)1ñ(_+." = "Don't bother me. I'm coding."


  • Sober Pills used to drop, but the potential for abuse was quickly realized, and they stopped dropping. Many pills were duplicated through bugs, and eventually, Jick sent agents of the Penguin Mafia to remove all sober pills from the Kingdom.
  • Before NS-13 this item was made by meatpasting.
  • Prior to 2022, a Hermit script would be given alongside the Stat script on first use.


  • The phrase "He vanishes in a puff of logic," from the first-time use message, is taken from the Douglas Adams comedy series, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. To be precise, it comes from an aside where humanity convinces God that he doesn't exist, and God "vanishes in a puff of logic."
  • The phrase "Don't bother me, I'm coding" likely references the Carl's Jr. slogan, "Don't bother me, I'm eating." Though it's just as likely to come from experience of working with programmers.
  • "Shazam! Kablooie!" is a reference to the DuckTales the Movie. The Genie, Gene, repeats this phrase whenever granting a wish.
  • The UB3r 31337 HaX0R giving you two easy-to-use "scripts" may be a reference to the script kiddie hacker subculture.


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