Do You Even Brogurt

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Do You Even Brogurt
Do You Even Brogurt

As you enter the shop, the brogre behind the counter greets you with a friendly bicep curl. "Hey, bro! I'm Broden. Welcome to Do You Even Brogurt! Finest brogurt on the boardwalk!"

"Thanks," you reply. "Um... what exactly is 'brogurt', anyway? Please tell me it's just frozen yogurt with a clever name."

"Nah, bro! It's like frozen yogurt, but made out of booze and protein -- brotein."

"Can you be more specific?" you ask.

The brogre looks confused. "Specific? It's brotein!"

"Yeah, but what actually is... hang on, I'm getting the worst case of deja vu."

"Ouch, bro. Fortunately, I got the cure for that right here!"

"Brogurt cures deja vu?"

"Uhh... sure! Why not. What I was really getting at though, is you could run an errand for me instead of doing all that thinking."


"So, like," Broden says, "If you wanted to help me out with a couple things, that'd be, like, clutch, bro."

"Okay. What do you need?" you ask.

"Okay, see, my brogurt is totally organic, right? That means it's got like special bacteria in it. But I'm running out, and I need someone to collect some more for me."

"Well I'm sure that's going to be delightful," you say.

"What do you think is the most important ingredient in brogurt?" he asks you.


"Uhh, I think you mean brotein, but... okay, second most important ingredient. Look, I'll just tell you. It's sprinkles. I need more sprinkles."

"Well, all right then."

"So there's these guys, right? These deadbeats that rented brocycles from me and never paid. So I need someone to shake them down."

  • 1st choice sequence:
"I probably won't enjoy this, but tell me more about the bacteria."

"Okay, so," Broden says, "the bacteria I need is at the Fun-Guy Mansion."

"Ew," you comment.

"Specifically, it grows in the hot tubs there."

"Oh god," you say. "So what's the third thing?"

"Third thing?"

"What is the third disgusting thing about this task that is going to make it officially the most disgusting thing I've ever done?"

"Well, the bacteria requires a constant moist environment to survive, so you'll have to, like... carry it back here in your mouth."

"Perfect," you say.

"Let's do this. YOLO."

"Awesome! Thanks, bro. I'll need about ten shots of it. Ten loads. Ten..."

"Yeah, I get it."

"Maybe I'll just buy some brogurt instead."

  • 2nd choice sequence:
"You do need sprinkles for a proper sundae."

"I know, right??" he says. "And actually that's where I need you to get them from."


"The sundaes over at the Sloppy Seconds Diner, bro. You can collect sprinkles from them."

"You want used sprinkles?"

"Recycling, bro! It's good for the environment!"

"Well, when you put it like that..."

"Awesome, bro. Here, I'll loan you my sprinkle shaker to fill up. It's gonna take you about 15 sundaes worth of sprinkles."

Shakerbottle.gifYou acquire an item: sprinkle shaker

"Maybe I'll just buy some brogurt instead."

  • 3rd choice sequence:

"Yeah," he says, "I used to rent out bikes, before I got into brogurt. But some total chodes went and drowned in a party boat wreck before paying me, and I went out of business."

"So you want me to... do what, exactly?"

"I want you to go find them and bring me their money! Or broupons. Knowing my luck, they probably all had broupons for free rentals."

"And a broupon is..."

"It's like a coupon except the retailer gets boned way harder than usual."

"I see."

"Okay, I'm on it."

"Maybe I'll just buy some brogurt instead."

  • 4th choice:
"Maybe I'll just get some... brogurt."

Occurs at Spring Break Beach.


  • The intro text only occurs once. Subsequent encounters skip to the 2nd dialogue immediately.
  • The deja vu over protein is due to Big Merv's Protein Shakes.