Moaning Panda Square

From TheKolWiki
Revision as of 04:04, 5 January 2013 by DoubleU (Talk | contribs) (References)

(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to: navigation, search

Moaning Panda Square is accessible in Pandamonium.

  • Initial visit:
"As you walk through the deserted Moaning Panda Square, a shadowy figure in a trench coat steps out from behind one of the many moaning panda statues. He starts to open his trench coat, and you start to avert your eyes. Then you breathe a sigh of relief, as you see that he's wearing pants, and that the inside of his trench coat is lined with merchandise for sale.
"Hey. Hey, buddy. Allow me to introduce myself: I'm a man of wealth, taste, and the finest merchandise this side of the river Styx. Wanna buy a watch? Or a nice new wallet? Or an ancient talisman of unspeakable evil?"
"No, no, and yes. How much meat do you want for the talisman?" you ask.
"Meat?" the stranger says, raising his eyebrows. "We don't trade in meat here in Hey Deze. We trade in sin here. I'll hand over this talisman in exchange for proof that you've beaten up five imps at Belilafs, and five demons at the Infernal Rackets concert. Deal?"
"How'll I find you again?" you ask.
"Oh, I'll be around," he says, smiling. "Any time there's violence and pain, I'll be around."
Well, now. That was unsettling.
  • Subsequent visits, without any of the needed items:
The trench coated stranger steps out from behind a statue again. He shoots you a piercing glance, then shrugs. "Sorry," he says, "but your soul is still too clean for me to trade this talisman to you. If you want this thing, you'll need to beat up some imps at Belilafs and steal their imp air, and beat up some ink, suck, or serialbuses at the Infernal Rackets Concert and steal their bus passes."
He steps behind the statue and vanishes. Hrm.
  • Subsequent visits, without all the needed items:
The trench coated stranger steps out from behind a statue again. He shoots you a piercing glance, then smiles a smile that's not entirely pleasant. For one thing, there are about three times as many teeth as there ought to be, and they're all sharp. "I see you've been busy," he says.
"Not busy enough, however. You still need to bring me X imp airs and Y more bus passes. Keep up the good work. I'll be seeing you." He vanishes with a laugh that's not entirely, or at all, pleasant.
The trench coated stranger waves to you from atop one of the moaning panda statues. He slides down the panda's back and walks over, his hand out. You hand him your imp airs and bus passes.
"Excellent work," he hisses, smiling his shark-like smile. "Here's your talisman. Congratulations! You've won -- or have you? See you later -- or maybe sooner." You take your talisman and walk out of Moaning Panda Square, trying to get the hairs on your arms to lie back down.
Aztutu.gifYou acquire an item: Azazel's tutu
  • Subsequent visits, once you have Azazel's tutu:

You walk through Moaning Panda Square. A hot wind blows, rustling the charred skins that flayed souls left behind. It's eerily quiet.

The strange demon in a trench coat you saw before approaches you, and he doesn't look too happy. "There's nothing more for you to see here," he says, "and I suggest you move along. You know what they say about idle hands, after all . . . "

"You mean that they never get carpal tunnel syndrome?" you say.

The man frowns at you. "All right then, let me try another proverb on you: get busy torturing, or get busy being tortured. Got it?"

You got it. You decide to explore the rest of Pandamonium a little more.


  • A man of wealth and taste who asks that he be allowed to introduce himself is a reference to the Rolling Stones song Sympathy For the Devil.
  • The interrupted proverb is, "Idle hands are the devil's workshop."
  • The man's final proverb after getting the tutu is a play on the phrase "get busy livin', or get busy dyin'", a quote from The Shawshank Redemption.