SMOOCH private
| SMOOCH private | |
|---|---|
| Monster ID | 1794 |
| Locations | The SMOOCH Army HQ |
| Hit Points | 75% of Defense |
| Attack | Player's Moxie+1, min 50 |
| Defense | Player's Muscle+1, min 50 |
| Initiative | 0 |
| Meat | None |
| Phylum | dude |
| Elements | hot |
| Resistance | None |
| Monster Parts | head, arm, leg, torso |
| Manuel Entry | |
| refreshedit data | |
You're fighting a SMOOCH privateThis skinny, pimply kid has covered his face in cheap clown white and the stuff football players put under their eyes, and covered his secondhand leather jacket in zinc roofing nails and stolen diner forks. He is not in the least bit intimidating, but bless his little heart for trying.
Hit Message(s):
He stabs you with a pocketknife; it's so dull it might as well be a spoon, but this makes it hurt more, not less.
He manages to land a punch on you, and looks surprised and delighted.
He kicks you in the shins with his heavy motorcycle boots.
Before you can react, the kid trips and accidentally stabs you in several places with his jacket. Naturally, he tries to play it off as a deliberate move. Argh! Eek! Ouch!
He tries to open a butterfly knife at you intimidatingly, and accidentally throws it about ten feet away.
He tries to make a tough, intimidating face at you. It looks more like the face of someone who's just realized that a bad smell is coming from something they've stepped in.
"You can't withstand the might of the SMOOCH Army!" he yells at you, his voice breaking as he does so.
He tries to attack you, but snags his jacket cuff on one of his spikes and has to take a minute to untangle himself. (FUMBLE!)
 | You acquire an item: SMOOCH soda (35% chance)* |
 | You acquire an item: heat-resistant sheet metal (20% chance)* |
Occurs at The SMOOCH Army HQ.
Notes
- Deals damage when attacking with a melee weapon:
- You accidentally impale yourself on the kid's obnoxious metal spikes!
 | You lose 80-100? hit points. |
