The Crown of Ed the Undying/Thoughts

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A list of thoughts that you may see in the combat log while wearing The Crown of Ed the Undying.

Food should not move around so much. Stand still, food!
Hungry. Hungry. Hungry. Hungry.
Maybe if I kill this thing, the rest of the pack will respect me!
This food doesn't look very tasty. I guess I'll kill it anyway.
Ugh I hope my species evolves opposable thumbs soon so I can get a real job.
What this thing. I eat? Eat this?
bzbzzzbzzFLOWERS ARE NICEbzzzbzzzbzbzzzbzzbz
bzzzPROTECT QUEENbzzzbzbzbzbzzzz
bzzzzDESTROY INTRUDERbzzzbzbzzzzbzzzbzzbzzbzbzz
Everything was so much simpler before the big bang. I told them it was a bad idea, but did they listen? No, of course not.
I sure could go for a cigar right about now.
Is this thing trying to steal some of my lines? I don't appreciate that one bit.
Looks like the weird little planet lice are trying to escape their gravity well again. Gross.
Ugh what is with these gnat things? Stay on your dumb planet, gnat thing.
Why does everyone always laugh when they see me? I don't get it.
50 GOTO 10
Beep boop. Boop, beep.
I think, therefore I... ow! Dangit, stop distracting me! This is important!
Okay yeah, deleting that Asimov nonsense was definitely the way to go.
Crap, where did I put my pitchfork?
I dunno how these people live upstairs without freezing to death.
I hope Malevola asks me to the Satan Hawkins dance.
I should probably get my horns sharpened soon. They're getting kinda dull.
Man I'm sick of all this fighting. I hope I get promoted to a desk job soon.
Nice, another human soul to capture. Maybe I'll actually meet quota this month.
Boy, adventurers get weirder-looking every day.
Hmm, I've forgotten why we're fighting. I guess it was probably something important though.
I could really use a drink right about now.
I feel like I should review the life choices that led me to this.
I'll show this adventurer a thing or two!
Oh crap, what day is it? I didn't forget our anniversary, did I?
Why am I even fighting this weirdo? Oh well, might as well finish what I've started.
God I am so hungover.
I barely even understand what's going on right now.
I guess I'm fighting this... human? For some reason? Okay.
I sure do like pie. I wish I was a pie elemental.
Is this guy a person elemental? Is that a thing?
I really miss the days when it was all wooden blocks and rag dolls. And no adventurers.
I shouldn't be fighting this person! I'm on the clock! I have presents to wrap!
Oh man, I'm so confused. What are we even fighting about this year? Nobody tells me anything.
'Tis the season to be buried, jerkface!
Uggh, I shouldn't have eaten all that holly.
What am I doing here? I'm just an intern! I don't even get paid!
bup blup
I could really go for some chips. Is that weird?
I don't care what they say, I really want a bicycle.
I wonder if that plastic treasure chest is still over there.
whee i'm a fish
Do I have like a MURDER ME sign on my back or something?
Great, another adventurer. That's all I need.
I bet if I stuffed my codpiece I could be king too. That guy's not so special.
I hope this doesn't take too long, I have to finish my term paper on Wittgenstein by tomorrow.
I wonder if this adventurer would go away if I asked nicely.
Ugh, I think I got a bad sausage. What do we put in those things?
Aw man, how did my karma land me in this mess?
I knew I should've stocked up on healing crystals instead of buying that new hookah.
Protect me, Oh Great Gaia, from uncool squares like this one.
This dude is really harshing my mellow.
This is a real drag, man. Like, I'm a conscientious objector, I shouldn't even be doing this.
Today's horoscope totally didn't predict this.
Ugh, this person doesn't smell like patchouli at all! How do they stand it??
Hey buddy, you got any wine? Huh? Hey! Answer me! ...wait, did I forget to talk out loud?
I knew this day would come. The Quadrilateral Commission has finally sent their agents after me. Well I'll show you dirty lizard people!
Mebbe I wear this fella's skin. That skin there looks nice and warm.
That ol'... that ol' lady. She never knew her like I knew me.
That's a good shoe. Put that on my foot. Yeah.
You ain't puttin no goldang radio in my teeth!
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Katamari Damashi'i wgah'nagl fhtagn!
Boy, humans sure are violent.
How come we have to be humanoids, huh? How come they aren't, uh... humanoidoids?
I sure am glad I'm not a goblin. Those guys are kind of gross.
I wonder what's for dinner. I hope it's something from our interesting and delicious ethnic cuisine.
Is this the same human I was fighting earlier? All these guys kind of look the same to me.
This used to be such a nice neighborhood until all these humans started showing up.
Did that human just make fun of my gill flaps?
Ew gross, this human's hands are all weird and pruney.
I am totally gonna hookspear this jerk. Or, uh, spearhook? Wait.
One of these days I'm gonna get a hat full of water and knife up these jerks' town. That'll show 'em.
This pathetic fool will make an excellent sacrifice for our gods!
Booyah! It's orcin' time!
Crap, I spilled my beer! Right, now I'm mad.
I am totally gonna bust this human's chops with my hammer. I mean paddle. Wait, which kind of orc am I again?
Man, these humans smell terrible. What do they even eat?
Orc orc orc. What a strange word. Why are we called that? Orc orc orc orc orc.
Wait, is it 'orc' or 'ork'? I keep forgetting.
Gonna haveta send the boys out for some more cement. I wonder what size shoes this mug wears.
I miss the old days, when we were a major faction in the kingdom and not just a historical callback.
I'm gonna cut this mug's head off and put it in their bed! That'll show 'em!
I wish my gangster nickname was cooler.
I wonder if those old bottles of wine I have stashed are worth anything.
Myah, see? Myah! Myaaaah! See? Myah!
Arrr! Arrr! Arrr. Arrrrrrrr...
I wonder what a batten is. Some kind of egg I guess?
I wonder which one is the mizzenmast.
I wonder who decided to call it the Poop Deck. Surely they knew people would make jokes about it all the time.
Man! It sure feels good to have gotten rid of that steering wheel.
Sure wish I could figure out how to open that sunken chest.
I bet this jerk will make pretty good fertilizer.
I could really go for some nitrogen-enhanced fertilizer right about now.
I love bees so much.
I wish I could walk. I bet that's really handy. ...I also wish I had hands.
If I were a human, I wonder what kind of human I would be.
Man I'm sick of photosynthesizing. What I wouldn't give for a sandwich.
blop blop! Blup.
blurblurblblub blub
burbleurbleurble blub!
glub blorb blup!
Boy these livies are real jerks! I don't miss being one at all!
God I want a beer. Crap, where did I leave my mop?
I really miss sandwiches.
I wonder if I could pass for alive if I put on this person's skin. That would be pretty funny.
Stupid livies always trying to horn in on our territory! Take this!
Come on, open the soap duckets. The chimney sweeps. French Canadian Bean Soup.
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua.
My rattata is in the top percentage of rattatas.
Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down. Never gonna run around and desert you.
The tax imposed by section 2101 shall be credited with the amounts determined in accordance with sections 2012 and 2013 relating to gift tax and tax on prior transfers.
Tuesday's coming! Did you bring your coat?


1 Translates to "I like pie."
2 Translates to "butts."


  • Isaac Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics are restrictions on the behavior of robots.
  • The construct message that was leading to "I think, therefore I am" is a reference to the philosophical proposition Cogito ergo sum from René Descartes.
  • The Satan Hawkins dance is likely a Sadie Hawkins dance, but for demons.
  • "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle." is a feminist slogan.'
  • The fish that could go for some chips refers to the British dish known as fish and chips.
  • "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Katamari Damashi'i wgah'nagl fhtagn!" is a mangling of Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn (a Lovecraftian phrase) and Katamari Damacy (a Japanese video game).
  • The god who would normally like some blood would be the Blood God, Khorne, of Warhammer 40k.
  • Orks are also from Warhammer 40k.
  • Opening the sunken chest is an old unsolved puzzle (or joke).
  • "open the soap duckets", "the chimney sweeps" and "French Canadian bean soup" are all quotes from the deathbed confession of Dutch Schultz.
  • Lorem ipsum is common filler text.
  • Joey's Rattata is in the top percentage of Rattatas.
  • Never Gonna Give You Up is a song by Rick Astley.
  • The phrase starting "The tax imposed by section 2101" is from the US tax code.
  • "Tuesday's coming, did you bring your coat?" is a quote from Rejected.
  • A jerkwater town is a very small town.
  • The constellation quote about the creation of the universe being a bad move is a shout-out to "Hitch-Hiker's".